God bless the roots! Body and soul are one. Theodore Roethke

The roots of our family go deep. We don’t decide the 2 that make us…  We don’t decide how that life will turn out after birth. If we did, well, I am sure there are those who would have asked for different roots.  Most of us no, but yes there are some that wish it would have been different. We also don’t decide who else will be part of the family by blood or by marriage.   No, we don’t decide, but yes we do get to make a choice at some point whether to be a part of the lives that become added.

We all get that choice after a certain age to decide if our roots are really healthy for us.   I make light and fun and say all the time I have a Jerry Springer family. I have drawn my family tree many times for people to show how many lives were united because of marriages(plural) and divorces(plural).

This past week I was given the opportunity to reunite after over 20 years with my sister on my biological father’s side.  We were supposed to do this almost 5 years ago and it just didn’t work out, I felt so bad. We were talking about that before I left to come home, and agreed it just wasn’t God’s timing. Yes, I was a little nervous, but more so peaceful as this is something I have wanted to do for a long time.

When we saw each other it was overwhelming,  yet no fear. We talked non stop like we had never missed a beat in all this time. I was honored later that evening to meet her husband, 2 children, and 3 dogs. We ate pizza, played games and I felt like I had been a part of them forever. I think I could have talked all night long as we caught up about how our lives had been over the past 20 years. Her and I have a lot of the same mannerisms. She, like myself,  plans for family get together’s and attempts to keep everyone united.

The next day I worked in my hotel and she was going to pick me up after. She sent me a text late morning about if I would like to see our father. She had contacted him and let him know that I was coming and that her and I were going to work on our relationship. He asked if we would come over. I was very excited for many reasons. 1. She had thought enough about me seeing him, 2. I had not seem him as well in over 20 years, 3. Closure in a sense of him seeing me not the hot mess that I carried myself to be active in addiction for a very long, long time. So, she picked me up early afternoon and we headed that way.  It was so funny when she did pick me up because she had bottled water and sour patch kid candies for the ride. You see, ironically sour patch kids are one of my favorite candies, just like her! We pulled in the driveway, and walked to the door. His wife greeted us (who is very kind, real and sincere) and walked right in. After a big hug and me teary eyed we sat for the next almost 2 hours and kept the conversation light. I showed him pictures of my daughters, we spoke about work, family and life in general. His wife has been taking care of him as he had a double lung transplant 10 years ago. When we were leaving, we took a few pictures together and I hugged his and his wife’s neck.  I had again a peace and serenity, gifts of my continued recovery.

Timing is everything and I truly believe that God’s timing is best. I honestly have thought of him and his kids often. I never reached out I guess because of fear of rejection. My sister told me she had wanted to find me for quite some time. That brought tears to my eyes. She reached out shortly after I came home from my hiatus in 2011 and we spoke via email in 2014, and I was humbled.  We got back to her home and it was kind of late.  I had a conference call for work so I was able to grab a bedroom for about a hour.  I felt at home, and didn’t feel a burden. That is huge for me, because for me, not so much now, but have always felt a burden in others people’s world.  Work in progress for sure. After my call we sat and talked again late. Laughed at things that have transpired in our lives that were similar, serious conversations about relationships and just life in general and where we are at. The last day I was there, she picked me up that morning and I went back with her to the house.  I went to pick up her daughter and we took her to get her hair done as she had a daddy daughter dance that evening. We got home and my sister pulled out a huge box of pictures,and we went thru them. I remembered those times which was really cool. We laughed at some and I heard the stories that were linked to other pictures.   Time was getting close for me to catch my flight. I called UBER and I was headed out. We hugged and promised to call, text and even Facetime. (I love technology) .

This was a decision I am so happy that her and I decided on. Long overdue for this reunion, but timing was perfect. I have no doubt our relationship will grow. I am bad about phone calls, holidays and communication at times.  I get so wrapped up in self, work, and life. No excuse for sure. I am looking forward to the future and having family roots grounded once again…also the connection of mind and soul….

May the angels above surround you all with hugs, kisses and love….Amy C.

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