“Life is about evolving. Don’t stay in a situation that’s not helping you grow mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.” Anonymous
We are human and our instinct is on a daily basis to evolve, grow and become who we were meant to be..That would be great, but for most that is not reality. Why? Life. One word so simple and yet so complex. It is the daily routine we are already settled into. It is the relationships, our families, our work, our stress, our education…So many things in front of us daily which leads to “future tripping” of the future, the unknown which causes anxiety. It is the looking back at the woulda, coulda, shoulda and what if’s that causes depression. Something so simple as to live in the moment, the present, the gift from God. We get stuck and life seems to be unmanageable and when we can’t figure it out its more than frustrating. So, we look at all the people, places and things around us and see what we can blame it on. The problem here is simple. Look in the mirror, that at the end of the day is who you need to talk about this. It’s when WE stay in unhealthy mental, spiritual or emotional relationships, whether it be family, friends, or work that causes the stand still. You know I say all the time I am a work in progress. For me, setting boundaries to protect self was so hard for so long. Why? Well besides being a recovering cocaine addict, I am a people pleaser. I looked to please everyone around me so maybe, just maybe they would love, like or even tolerate me. For what? As I look back, I see the self inflicting wounds that I caused. Yes, I said self-inflicting.
Wizard of Oz was one of my favorite movies, and still is. Even as a child I heard the famous line from Glenda the Good Witch – You Had the Power All Along My Dear.’
Something so simple yet has taken me 45 years to digest. We have the power all along to be who we want, do what we want, and set boundaries with those who are holding us back indirectly from evolving. I say indirectly because at the end of the day, “what we allow will continue”
So, instead of a new years resolution, I have set a daily evolving resolution. If the person, place or thing causes me anxiety, depression, chaos or confusion I will promptly recognize and disengage.
Please understand I am not telling you to pack it up and leave your family, or career. I am telling you that self care is up to you. Set the boundaries, Self care isnt about running away, it is about standing up for yourself and not allowing your emotions, your mental, physical or spiritual being be ran by someone else’s standards. At the end of the day, if they can not respect the boundaries you have appropriately set, its on them my friend, not you. We are not responsible for others happiness. I tell families I work with all day long, “stop setting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm”. Life doesn’t have to be so difficult. Awake with the attitude of gratitude and be grateful for what you have and what the day holds for you. You are alive as you read this and that is ½ the battle. Be kind, don’t gossip and love others as you would love yourself and this can happen, but only if you are willing to do it.
We are responsible for our own happiness. It isnt up to others to make us happy. It is up to us to find the balance, focus, joy and more importantly peace. You can also ease these findings along with help from your Higher Power.
Setting boundaries is a must for self care. We can not evolve if we dont work on ourselves. We cant get over the past if we keep looking back and we cant move forward if we are consumed with anxiety… Just live, one day at a time. Tell who you see looking back at you in the mirror that you love them, appreciate them and are going to be good to them. When our heart, mind and soul is driven by love you can never go wrong. Self Care today!
May the angels above surround you with hugs, kisses and lots of love…Amy C.