Where the senses fail us, reason must step in. Galileo Galilei
I have thought about senses lately. In the Spiritual. Emotional and Physical Sense.
When I think of the physical sense, I think about smell, taste, touch, hear, and see.. Smelling the Bath and Body Works Sweet Pea reminds me of my Mema in her last days. I remember our friend Melanie brought the lotion set to the hospital and I rubbed the lotion on Mema’s hand, arms, feet and legs.
After 2 years of being sober, I started being able to appreciate the taste of food, as my body was well on its way of healing.
The sense of touch now takes me back to my childhood. I grew up in a hugging family. I grew up in the South and hugging and touching, kissing checks is just part of what we do. A professional hand shake with most ends up with a big hug. Touch is an Emotional Sense as well as physical. I still well up with tears when I hug family. It’s a connection that I can feel now more than ever. The longer I live this miracle of sobriety, the more emotional I become. I can FEEL everything. Sometimes that just sucks but more so than not, it’s awesome!
The Hearing Sense was selective for a very long time, well, more than ⅔ of my life it has been only what I chose to hear. I had selective hearing because I have character defects such as perfectionism, people pleasing, and huge ego. It was hard for me to hear anything bad or negative.
The Emotional Senses well, I look back now especially this past year and see growth. I have spoken to people close to me and they shared that they were scared to tell me their feelings because I would become immediately defensive. I was speaking to my sponsor a few days ago. I called her before I made a huge decision. She asked me to send her my mission. I sent some stuff, she called me back and I believe she said something along the lines of “you are all over the place with your thoughts, let’s define this a little better.” Well, my ego a year ago would have hung up and been enraged. Now, I hung up and accepted what she said and did not take it personally. As I know she wants me to be the best I can be, her intentions for me only are success.
Even if success is built on steps of failure.
I worked on it overnight and resent her my thoughts after I took it out of mind and put on paper, and she approved. That is huge progress and growth for me.
The Seeing Sense has brought me to look at life so differently than I have most of my life. I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I see the glimmer of hope out of the mountain of fear, I see progress not perfection, I see opportunity in failure, I see the diamond in the rough. I have chosen to see the good rather than the bad.
I have found my Spiritual Sense, FAITH.
I have stood behind the fact that my mustard seed of FAITH led me to my sober mountain I continue to climb. Along the way my tools, my backpack, is full of lessons and I am still learning. I am wrapped up with layers of humility, gratitude and responsibility. This is a necessity for me to keep my character defects simmered down. I have to fill my spiritual bucket daily as I pour myself into my passions with Faith at the Beach and The Kelly Gorman Watson Women’s Center. This coming year I’ve claimed will be just amazing. Simplicity, Perseverance, and Consistency are at the top of New Year’s Resolutions. In reflecting, I know I took for granted like my senses. I saw things different than most because I was disillusioned. I heard only wanted I wanted to hear. I spoke the language of bullshit and manipulation for so long I believed my own lies. My touch was cold and feelings were just self preserved. I OWN my past so it does not define my present or future.
I am excited about this year and continuing the growth in my SOBER SENSES.
Happy New Year and Godspeed to you all. May the angels above surround you all with hugs, kisses and lots of love…Amy C.