Happy Sober November!

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe. Lao Tzu

To start I would like to share some lyrics from the song “My Victory”, by Crowder..

~Oh, Your amazing grace, I’ve seen and tasted it, It’s running through my veins,I can’t escape its grip in You my soul is safe,You uncover everything,Oh, Your love bled for me,Oh, Your blood in crimson streams,Oh, Your death is hell’s defeat,A cross meant to kill is my victory,Behold the Lamb of God,Who takes away our sin, who takes away our sin,The holy Lamb of God,Makes us alive again,Makes us alive again….~(Crowder)

My sobriety I owe to my higher power, God.  I have been saved by his blood and his strength has strengthened me when I have had nothing left at times, even so recently.  Life without addiction is not easy and to add this disease on top at times makes life sometimes not easy. Actually and truthfully… well…. hard as hell.  I remember walking this time 5 years ago to counseling with my backpack and headphones on daily. My dad, when I got to the halfway house brought me a CD player and a number of CD’s with artists such as Casting Crowns which became my favorite. I remember one particular song from them, “Does anybody hear her”.  I remember the lyrics like it was yesterday..

~She is running A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction She is trying But the canyon’s ever widening In the depths of her cold heart So she sets out on another  misadventure just to find She’s another two years older And she’s three more steps behind Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see? Or does anybody even knows she’s going down today Under the shadow of our steeple With all the lost and lonely people Searching for the hope that’s tucked away in you and me Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?~(Casting Crowns)

THIS was me…for as long as I can remember in my adult life before getting sober. I could never get better. I wanted to, well maybe not. I did enjoy the wallow of self-pity that my sick mind told me I deserved.  Until I turned my heart over to God for good in the year of 2010 this was me for so long.

~She is yearning For shelter and affection That she never found at home She is searching For a hero to ride in To ride in and save the day And in walks her prince charming And he knows just what to say Momentary lapse of reason And she gives herself away If judgement looms under every steeple If lofty glances from lofty people Can’t see past her scarlet letter And we never even met her ~(Casting Crowns)

I remember those daily walks 5 years ago… and the freedom I felt as I had a new life ahead of being clean from the drugs that I abused for a long time. No car, hardly any clothes, no money, no phone, no computer, nothing but me and God and a clean slate.  I had some trials ahead with family, my girls and amends to begin, but I had the peace of Freedom. Here we are 5 years later and I have more than I could ever need or want.  I have my health by God’s Grace, I have my girls who I love more than anything, I have family, I have sincere friends, I have the ability to work and help others on this mission that I am on, I have a car, I have a place to live, I have positive people, places and things.  With more, comes more responsibility and lots more stress. A few weeks ago I was driving and frustrated about business, relationships and not being able to control situations…I then heard this song by Crowder, MY VICTORY. I got home and found it on I tunes.  I have played it probably 50 times, and it has brought me back to the basics in knowing that I have daily, 24 hours at a time in Victory. I cried listening and asked my higher power to forgive me because I doubt him and me all the time.

 You see I have a vision of the way things SHOULD be and God has a vision of the way it WILL BE.  I stress and wrangle with imperfections and for what? I stress about finances and relationships and for what?  All the signs are surrounding me that God takes care of us all.  I just need to adjust my bifocal contacts and give everything back to him to work on instead of stubbornly taking it myself and fix it. Let me tell you I can and will make it all into crap if it was up to me to run the show. I have proven to myself time and time again that is what is going to happen.

WHY can’t I just rely on GOD to run this show?

 I can give you a million reasons why…and I am sure you could make your own list.  The one reason why not?  I want to live!

I want to enjoy this second chance of life I have been given. I want to be victorious over my disease of addiction every day!  I am given this chance, 24 hours at a time and by Gosh I’m grateful that God used music recently to wake me and shake me back to where I’m supposed to be. IF you get a chance, it’s a great song. I have shared with family and close friends this week to listen. MY VICTORY, CROWDER…Hope you all have an amazing week! Prayers for our Nation as well…Godspeed and may the angels above surround you all with hugs, kisses and love..Amy C.